Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Country Strong

Where we find strength.

I've always been a strong girl. I can throw hay, drive a tractor and milk a cow with the best of them. I can keep a class of rowdy high school boys in line, no problem. In college I gave a guy a black eye at the bar because he wouldn't leave my friend alone. I don't need a guy to move my couch when it's time to vacuum. I love an afternoon date with the weed whip. I never understood girls who tell me mowing the lawn is too hard. I let half the things that people say roll off my back. Life is too short to be crabby, after all.

Around here we call that Country Strong. Being the farmer's daughter and the farmer's wife I know all about Country Strong. Where I come from there's two options; Either do it or ____?

I've been too busy doing to figure out the ___ part. No one else is going to do it for me. If I don't do it we all suffer. So I might as well do.

Same thing applies with our baby situation. I have to keep doing because there is no ___ part. What else can I do? Life is still going to tick by one day at a time.

That's not to say that I'm perfectly okay and have accepted everything that comes my way. I've fully accepted that my baby has a home in heaven. It's a miraculous thing being the Mom of an Angel. I can't accept that God won't tell me when it's going to happen. I struggle with the situation in general and scream "It's not fair" about six times a day. I don't understand at all why God did this to us, what His intent is.

I function throughout the day. Anyone that barely knows me thinks I'm fine on the outside. Anyone that truly knows me sees me run crying out of the barn. My friends know that I'm not in the mood for a lot of chit chat these days. David knows that while I'm doing my best, the things that were once so important to me, seem trivial. David knows that I struggle waking up in the morning knowing I won't wake up and find October and the whole thing over with.

I still get out of bed. I still dry my tears. I still put my all into the things that matter. What choice do I have? Again do it or ___?

No one ever said being the Mom of an Angel was going to be easy. But I am Country Strong and I will do the best I can. There is an end in sight.

People describe us as "courageous, brave, strong, inspirational." I don't know about that. We're just too busy helping an Angel grow wings to figure out the ___ part.

PS. Baby your Mom a place in heaven. She's a bit of a rebel. She needs all the pull she can get. ;)


  1. Very well said. You are definitely a strong woman.

  2. You are so strong! I'm behind you in this battle all the way but none the less reading this brings tears to my eyes.

  3. I am truly amazed at your strength. Your post brought tears to my eyes, and I am praying for you and your angel baby everyday. Keep your strength up, and know that you have many people praying for you.

  4. Hi Dairygirl-
    I am from The Bump.
    I am so sorry that you are facing such a horrible prognosis.
    I know it's not even close to the same thing, but I just had my baby at 29 weeks. She is struggling & in the NICU where she will be for several months.
    It's SO hard to know your baby is struggling. I will not pretend to know what you are going through but I wanted to tell you that I think you are incredibly strong, you & your husband are beautiful people, & you WILL make it through. Try to enjoy all of those wonderful kicks from your baby. Talk to your baby--it can hear your calming voice, the music you listen to, your husband's voice. Read to your baby, talk to your baby. Though your baby will not live for long on the outside, you can give it a wonderful life inside of your body. Hang in there. There are so many of us thinking & praying for you & your husband and your baby.

  5. HI dailygirl - DT (dianetaylor) from the nest d&r here. Your words and ways of getting your feelings down on "paper" are amazing. I think this blog will take off, given how eloquently and HONESTLY you write. I totally get that - I am the mom of 4 angels in heaven, and I lost hope but kept praying for a miracle. God did bless me with a baby who is now an adult and thriving. Some days I don't feel worthy of being a mom - it is the MOST IMPORTANT JOB in the world. The.most.important.job - hands down :) Whether you are the mom of an angel or the mom of a now-adult - we are all bonded by the experience of childbirth. It's an amazing thing, isn't it? Thank you for letting us share in your pain - and all the good things that will come of your sweet baby. God Bless - dt

  6. God Bless, you are in our my thoughts.


  7. Sometimes this song helps me.. I hope it helps you...


  8. you are an amazing writer. Your story heart breaking. I am so sorry you have to go through this.